Listed here are resources we believe you can trust. We have screened and selected these as some of the best sources available. Although this bibliography is not exhaustive, you can be assured that these resources are readable, written by experts, and solidly based in research. Of course, the developers and authors of these resources are solely responsible for their own content, and by listing them, we are not ensuring their accuracy or completeness.

Business Communication

  1. Core Communication (2007). Miller & Miller. Interpersonal Communication Programs: Littleton, CO.

Couple Communication Skills

  1. Fighting For Your Marriage: A Delux Revised Edition of the Best-Seller for Enhancing Marriage and Preventing Divorce (2010). Markman, Stanley & Blumberg. Jossey-Bass: San Francisco, CA.
  2. Collaborative Marriage (2008). Miller & Miller. Interpersonal Communication Programs: Littleton, CO.

Conflict Resolution

  1. The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships (2006). Chapman & Thomas. Northfield Publishing: Chicago, Ill.
  2. Reconcilable Differences (2000). Christensen & Jacobson, Guilford Press: New York, NY.
  3. Thriving Together (2008), Miller & Miller. Interpersonal Communication Programs: Littleton, CO.                       
  4. Why Marriages Succeed or Fail… and How You can Make Yours Last (1994). John Gottman and Jan Silver. Simon and Schuster: New York.
  5. See listings under Forgiveness as well.

Dating

  1. "Cohabitation, Marriage and Child Wellbeing: A Cross National Perspective" (2008). David Pepenoe. The National Marriage Project: Piscataeway, NJ
  2. Dating Violence – See Domestic Violence.
  3. Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children (2008). Mcilhaney & Bush. Northfield Publishing: Chicago, Ill.
  4. How to Avoid Falling In Love with a Jerk: The Foolproof Way to Follow Your Heart Without Losing Your Mind (2007). John Van Epp. McGraw Hill Publishers: New York, NY.
  5. Relationship Intelligence: Why Your RQ Is More Important to your Success and Happiness than your IQ (2000). Richard Panzer. Center for Educational Media: Westwood, NJ.
  6. "Sex Without Strings, Relationships Without Rings: Today’s Young Singles Talk about Mating and Dating" (2008). The National Marriage Project: Piscataeway, NJ

Deciding Whether or Not to Divorce

  1. See our Discernment Counseling page
  2. Should I Stay or Go? How Controlled Separation Can Save Your Marriage (1999). Lee Raffel. McGraw Hill: New York, NY.
  3. Should I Try to Work it Out? A Guidebook for Individuals and Couples at the Crossroads of Divorce (2013). Hawkins, Fackrell & Harris.

Divorce Prevention 

  1. Divorce Busting (1992), Michele Weiner-Davis. Summit Books: New York, NY.
  2. The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage (2001). Michele Weiner-Davis. Simon and Schuster: New York.
  3. I Love You, but… I’m not IN LOVE with you: Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship (2007). Andrew Marshall. Health Communications: Deerfield Beach, FL.
  4. Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World that Pulls Us Apart (2008) Second edition. William Doherty. Guilford Press: New York.

Domestic Violence

  1. Call 911 if you are in danger or hurt.
  2. National Domestic Violence Hotline – Call 1-800-799-7233 or go to www.hotline.org
  3. National Resource Center on Domestic Violence (NRCDV) @ www.VAWnet.org
  4. Olmsted County Social Services – 507-328-6400 or www.co.olmsted.mn.us
  5. Victim Services – 507-289-0636
  6. Women’s Shelter – 507-285-1010

Forgiveness

  1. Beyond Revenge: The Evolution of the Forgiveness Instinct (2008). Michael McCullough
  2. The Book of Forgiveness: The Fourfold Path for Helping Ourselves and Our World (2014). Desmond Tutu & Mpho Tuto. Harper One.
  3. Don’t Forgive Too Soon: Extending Two Hands that Heal (1997), Linn, Linn & Fabricant Linn. Paulist Press: New York, NY.
  4. Everybody Needs to Forgive Somebody: 11 Stories of Real People Who Discovered the Underrated Power of Grace (2012). Allen R. Hunt. Beacon Publishing.
  5. Forgiving the People You Love to Hate (1997). Judy Logue. Liguori: Liguori, MO.
  6. Forgiveness: A Bold Choice for a Peaceful Heart (1992). New York: Bantam Books.

Gender Issues

  1. His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage (2002). Williard Harley. Fleming H. Revell: Grand Rapids, MI.
  2. Hot Monogamy: Essential Steps to More Intimate, Passionate, Love Making (1994). Love and Robinson. Penguin Group: New York, NY.
  3. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships (1992). John Grey. Harper Collins: New York, NY.
  4. You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation (1990). Deborah Tannen. Ballantine Books: New York, NY.

Group Spirituality Programs for Couples

  1. Couple Retreats - Many churches and retreat centers offer weekend retreats for couples. There are also many secular weekend programs for couples that are top quality. In the Rochester area check out Ironwood Springs Christian Ranch in Stewartville, the Assisi Heights Spirituality Center, Villa Maria in Frontenac, and the Franciscan Spirituality Center in LaCrosse. These are open to people of any faith or religious background. All have websites that are easy to find. The programs below (2-4) have articles, workbooks, DVDs, and other resources for couples. See our website listings for a more complete list of programs and resources, especially Smart Marriages.  
  2. Marriage Encounter - Two versions of Marriage Encounter are available, one protestant and one Catholic. Engaged Encounter is for marriage preparation. These are done in weekend formats, and follow-up groups are available.
  3. Retrouvaille - A weekend retreat format for troubled couples of any faith background. Usually offered in or near the Twin Cities, this program is well known to prevent many divorces.  www.retrouvaille.org.   
  4. Teams of Our Lady - An ongoing couple growth and support group program for Catholics.

Healing From Divorce

  1. Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends (2000), 3rd ed. Fisher & Alberti, Impact Publishers: Atacadero, CA.
  2. Rebuilding Workbook (2001). 2nd ed. Fisher & Bierhaus. Impact Publishers: Atacadero, CA.
  3. You Can Get Over Divorce: The Seven Step Program to Speed Your Healing So That You Can Get on With the Rest of Your Life (1998). Pat Hudson. Prima Publishing: Rocklin, CA.

Healthy Marriage

  1. The Couple Checkup: Find Your Relationship Strengths (2008). Olson, Olson-Sigg & Larson. Thomas Nelson: Nashville, TN.
  2. The Five Love Languages (2004). Gary Chapman. Northfield Publishing: Chicago, Ill.
  3. I Like Being Married: Treasured Traditions, Rituals, and Stories (2002). Leach & Borchard. Doubleday: New York.
  4. “To Have and To Hold: Gratitude Promotes Relationship Maintenance in Intimate Bonds,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Gordon, Impett, Kogan, Oveis & Keltner. Volume 103, Number 2, pp. 257-274.
  5. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert (1999). Gottman & Silver. Three Rivers Press: New York, NY.

Importance of Marriage

  1. The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially (2000), Waite and Gallagher.  Doubleday: New York, NY. 
  2. Why Marriage Matters: Thirty Conclusions from the Social Sciences (2007), 3rd ed. Institute for American Values: New York, NY.
  3. "What is the Healthy Marriage Field and What is Healthy Marriage?" NHMRC Brief (2009). Theodora Ooms. The National Healthy Marriage Resource Center:

Improving Your Marriage

  1. And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives (2007). Gottman & Gottman. Crown Publishers: New York, NY.
  2. Beyond the Myth of Marital Happiness: How Embracing the Virtues of Loyalty, Generosity, Justice, and Courage Can Strengthen Your Relationship (2000). Blaine Fowers. Jossey-Bass: San Francisco, CA.
  3. Emotional Fitness for Couples: 10 Minutes a Day to a Better Relationship (2005). Barton Goldsmith. New Harbinger Publications: Oakland, CA.
  4. Fighting For Your Marriage: A Delux Revised Edition of the Best-Seller for Enhancing Marriage and Preventing Divorce (2010). Markman, Stanley & Blumberg. Jossey-Bass: San Francisco, CA.
  5. Ten Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage (1997). Arp & Arp. Zondervan: Grand Rapids, MI.
  6. Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage (2006). Gottman & Gottman. Random House: New York, NY.
  7. We’re No Fun Anymore: Helping Couples Cultivate Joyful Marriages Through the Power of Play (2012). Schwarz & Braff. Routledge: New York, NY.

Infidelity

  1. After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding the Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful (1998). Janis Spring. Harper Collins: New York, NY.
  2. The Monogamy Myth: A Personal Handbook for Recovering From Affairs (1989). Peggy Vaughan. Published by Oyster Books.

Marriage and Love 

  1. The Five Love Languages (2004). Gary Chapman. Northfield Publishing: Chicago, Ill.
  2.  Forever-Love: 119 Ways to Keep Your Love Alive (2002). Gary Smalley. J. Countryman: Portland, OR.
  3.  How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It: Finding Love Beyond Words (2007). Love & Stosny.
  4.  Love and Destiny: Marriage as God’s Gift (1987). Anthony Padovano. Paulist Press: New York, NY.
  5. Love is a Verb: Stories of What Happens When Love Comes Alive (2009). Gary Chapman. Bethany House: Bloomington, MN.
  6. The Truth About Love: The Highs, the lows, and How You Can Make It Last Forever (2001).   Pat Love. Simon & Schuster: New York, NY.
  7.  The Power of Commitment: A Guide to Lifelong, Active Love (2005). Scott Stanley. Jossey-Bass: San Francisco, CA.
  8.  Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love (2004). Helen Fisher. Henry Holt: New York, NY.

Marriage Preparation

  1. Empowering Couples: Building on Your Strengths (2000). David H. Olsen and Amy K. Olson. Canada: Enrich Canada.
  2. How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk (2005). John Van Epp. McGraw Hill Publishers: New York, NY.
  3. I Promise You: Preparing for a Marriage that Will Last a Lifetime (2006). Willard F. Harley. Grand Rapids, MI: Revell.
  4. Prepare-Enrich Online Inventory – www.prepare-enrich.com
  5. See listings under Healthy Marriage as well.

Parenting

  1. Active Parenting of Teens (2009). 3rd ed. Michael Popkin. Active Parenting Publishers: Atlanta, GA.
  2. Parenting After Divorce: Resolving Conflicts and Meeting Your Child’s Needs (2007). Philip Stahl. Impact Publishers: Atascadero, CA.
  3. Parenting Teenagers: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting of Teens (1998). Dinkmeyer, McKay, McKay & Dinkmeyer. American Guidance Service: Circle Pines, MN.
  4. Scream Free Parenting: Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool (2005). Hal Runkel,Oakmont Publishing, LLC: Duluth, GA.
  5. Strengthening Your Stepfamily (2006). Einstein & Albert. Impact Publishers: Atascadero, CA.
  6. The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study (2000). Wallerstein, Lewis & Blakeslee. Hyperion: New York, NY.

Personal Growth

  1. The Mayo Clinic Guide to Stress-Free Living (2013). Amit Sood.  Da Capo Press: Philadelphia, PA.
  2. The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today's Generation (2009). Melody Beattie. Simon & Shuster: New York, NY.

Relationship Education

  1. The Case for Relationship Education (2013). Patty Howell. Healthy Relationships California.
  2.  What is the Healthy Marriage Field and What is Healthy Marriage? NHMRC Brief (2009). Theodora Ooms. The National Healthy Marriage Resource Center:

Sexuality

  1. The Body Image Workbook: An 8-Step Program for Learning to Like Your Looks (1998). Thomas F. Cash. New Harbinger Publications: Oakland, CA.
  2. Enduring Desire: Your Guide to Lifelong Intimacy (2011). Metz & McCarthy. Routledge: New York, NY.
  3. Hot Monogamy: Essential Steps to More Intimate, Passionate, Love Making (1994). Love & Robinson. Penguin Group: New York, NY.
  4. Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence (2007). Esther Perel. Harper: New York, NY.
  5. Passionate Marriage: Love, Sex and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships (1998). David Schnarch. Henry Holt: New York, NY.
  6. The Sex Starved Marriage: A Couple’s Guide to Boosting Their Marital Libido (2003).Michele Weiner-Davis. Simon & Shuster: New York, NY.
  7. Tender Fires: The Spiritual Promise of Sexuality (2002). Ferder & Heagle. Crossroad Publishing: New York, NY.
  8. Your Sexual Self: Pathway to Authentic Intimacy (1992). Ferder & Heagle. Ave Maria Press: Notre Dame.
  9. See listings under Spirituality as well.

Spirituality

  1. Beyond the Myth of Marital Happiness: How Embracing the Virtues of Loyalty, Generosity, Justice, and Courage Can Strengthen Your Relationship (2000). Blaine Fowers. Jossey-Bass: San Francisco, CA.
  2. Created in God’s Image: Meditating on Our Body (1991). Koch & Heil. St. Mary’s Press: Winona, MN.
  3. A Lasting Promise: The Christian Guide to Fighting for your Marriage (2014), 2nd ed. Stanley, Trathen, McCain & Bryan. Jossey-Bass: San Francisco, CA.
  4. Love and Destiny: Marriage as God’s Gift (1987). Anthony Padovano. Paulist Press: New York, NY.
  5. Marriage: A Spiritual Journey (2002), Kathy Heskin. Twenty-Third Publications: Mystic, CN.
  6. Reclaiming The Body in Christian Spirituality (2004). Ed by Thomas Ryan. Paulist Press: New York, NY. 
  7. A Sense of Sexuality: Christian Love and Intimacy (1989). Whitehead & Whitehead. Crossroad: New York, NY.
  8. Tender Fires: The Spiritual Promise of Sexuality (2002). Ferder & Heagle. Crossroad Publishing: New York, NY.
  9. See listings under Sexuality as well.

Websites

The following websites offer many resource materials on healthy relationships: articles, books, pamphlets, DVDs, fact sheets, tips, research summaries, downloadable pdfs, hotlines, program information, interactive polls, blogs, social media sites, workshops, national experts, counselor registries, therapist credentialing, referral information, therapist locators, scientific studies, and professional resources. 

  1. American Association of Pastoral Counselors @ www.aapc.org.
  2. American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy @ www.aamft.org
  3. Center of the American experiment, Minneapolis @ www.amexp.org
  4. Couple Communication @ www.couplecommunication.com
  5. Couple Discernment Counseling @ www.couplediscernmentcounseling.com.
  6. Healthy Relationships California @ www.relationshipsca.org
  7. Healthy Relationships Rochester @ www.healthyrelationshipsrochester.org
  8. Institute for American Values, New York @ www.americanvalues.org
  9. Interpersonal Communication Programs @ icp@comskills.com
  10. Marriage Friendly Therapists @ www.marriagefriendlytherapists.com
  11. National Association for Relationship and Marriage Education @ www.narme.org
  12. National Healthy Marriage Resource Center @ www.healthymarriageinfo.org
  13. National Marriage Project, Rutgers University @ marriage.rutgers.edu
  14. National Resource Center on Domestic Violence (NRCDV) @ www.VAWnet.org
  15. National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse @ www.fatherhood.gov
  16. Prepare – Enrich @ www.prepare-enrich.com